Lessons I’ve Learned

I admit that before having Avery, I was a kid-free, judgmental, know it-all. I worked in retail and customer service for many years, and I remember so many times watching kids have meltdowns and the parents either not doing anything, or trying to bribe the child with a treat to get them to stop. I would be the first one to say, "No way will I ever allow that". There were many other situations I witnessed where I would just shake my head and wonder why parents can’t get control over their child... Well, fast forward to the present day, and let me tell you... I learned my lesson, and I feel like a total JERK now. And to those people I judged, who did not deserve it but instead probably needed support and maybe a helping hand, I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart. 

We have all been that judgmental onlooker, though. I know very well you have done it also. Now, I'm not saying that all of those children were special needs, but what I am saying is what we all already know...the golden rule of "Do not judge a book by it's cover." The reason why I bring this up is because, as each day passes and Avery grows, we are beginning to see more and more behaviors that are associated with ASD, and some of these behaviors are progressively getting worse... Luckily, once his ABA services begin, they will be able to work with him on these issues, but for now, we are managing them on our own.  

If you have never been down this journey, thank your lucky stars, because it is definitely not an easy one. When Avery first started casting for his scoliosis, I remember how it made me feel when I saw people staring at him, and clearly by the looks on their face, judging me like it was my fault. In the beginning it hurt, but as someone who has been judged their whole life, I quickly got over it and now I just give them a great big smile, and I walk on by. Kill them with kindness, right? With him being nonverbal, I get those same stares and even some snarky comments to go along with it. 

This gig takes a lot of patience and strength, but I’ve learned that we don’t have to explain our children to anyone if we don’t want to. If I do choose to explain, it is only to raise awareness so people can be better informed and not make the same mistake again with another child, because not every parent is going to respond to a stranger’s lack of knowledge in the same manner. 

So the next time you see a parent in the store struggling with their child, who is having an emotional outburst, or maybe they keep running off and getting into everything, have a heart and don’t judge them. Don’t blame them or the child for the behavior. If you can’t offer some help or comforting words, just keep walking. You don’t know their story, and unless you want to take the time to get to know their story, you shouldn’t judge them. Also, especially with Halloween and Trick or Treating coming up soon, if you come across a child who does not speak or just babbles, remind yourself that there could be a reason for that. Respond and be kind to those children, because it could just make their day, and that is one of the best things you could do for them. Avery is nonverbal, but when he babbles to you, you better be answering him because in his mind, he knows what he’s saying and he expects a response just like anyone else would.